


thunder only grows

by astroblemish



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Fraternities & Sororities, Kissing, M/M, like... a lot of kissing, on a 1-10 scale of How Dumb Are You baekchen are 11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-29 16:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14477088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astroblemish/pseuds/astroblemish
Summary: Baekhyun is a shitty kisser; Jongdae isn't.





	thunder only grows

**Author's Note:**

> please don't expect any plot or conflict or anything worthwhile from this it's literally just 8k of baekchen kissing that i wrote in one sitting to get it out of my system ok thx
> 
> [the softest fic art in the whole wide world](https://twitter.com/acidulication/status/991787012645584896) I Am Not Worthy...

Baekhyun isn’t really sure how they ended up here.

All he remembers is one second complaining about the fact that Seulgi, the night previously, in a mess of drunken flirting and sloppy makeouts, had called Baekhyun a shitty kisser, and then the next Jongdae, as attentive as always, was saying, _maybe you just need more practice_.

Now they’re here, somehow, with the countertop digging into Baekhyun’s butt and Jongdae’s palms at his hips, so light in their touch it’s like he’s afraid Baekhyun will disintegrate beneath his fingertips. It’s more likely a product of this whole situation being awkward than it is of some misperceived fragility, but Baekhyun kind of treasures the tenderness all the same, sending tingles along his skin. Jongdae’s palms are warm and smooth when his hands edge just under the hem of Baekhyun’s shirt, and Baekhyun can’t help the tiny little exhale he lets out in contentment.

Jongdae pulls back and wrinkles his nose; Baekhyun blinks.

“Way too much tongue, dude,” he says, and oh, right, the lessons. As soon as Jongdae had suggested Baekhyun get in some more practice --as if he hasn’t been regularly kissing people for years (he’d scoffed)-- Baekhyun had snidely replied _who’s gonna be the martyr then?_ “You’re kissing someone, not strangling them.”

“Okay,” Baekhyun swallows, and maybe a little too eagerly leans back in. Who better to teach him how to be a good kisser than Jongdae? He’d offered his services almost immediately like the dutiful best friend he is, bragging about his years of experience, and Baekhyun, in all his petty competitive spirit, had challenged Jongdae to prove his mouth is as good as it kept saying it was.

And shit, it really _is_ a good mouth, every time Jongdae leans in for another kiss it’s like Baekhyun forgets he’s meant to be… doing something, fuck, he can’t even remember what anymore. He can smell the sweet, spicy combined scent Jongdae’s soap and aftershave from this close, can feel the little prickles of five o’clock shadow against his own chin, can see the length of his eyelashes every time Baekhyun dares to crack his eyes open. It isn’t until Jongdae makes a strangled little noise, jabbing Baekhyun’s tongue with his own pointedly that Baekhyun snorts at the ridiculousness of it all, Jongdae pulling back with a frown.

“What part of ‘don’t choke me with your saliva’ do you not get?” He asks, raising his eyebrows. His hands are still on Baekhyun’s hips, thumb rubbing little idle circles as he talks. Why is it so hard for Baekhyun to concentrate when Jongdae is so close, barely a hair’s breadth between them. “It’s not rocket science, dude.”

Baekhyun huffs. “Sorry,” he mumbles. “Am I really that bad?” His fragile ego is still bruised from it --how many people have been putting up with his shitty kissing just because they’re too nice to saying anything? If _Seulgi_ of all people had to be the one to crack, then maybe Baekhyun is worse than he’d thought. Then again, it's just kissing, nothing special; how could it possibly be that hard?

Jongdae’s silence is a little too telling, so Baekhyun gives a childish pout, only to watch him sigh in exasperation.

“Just-- don’t do anything and feel what I do, okay?” Simple enough instructions; Baekhyun nods eagerly, and then Jongdae is leaning back in and his mind is wiped blank. No, not completely blank, when Baekhyun mouth opens instinctively on contact Jongdae makes a frustrated noise so he snaps it shut again. He’s not meant to move, he reminds himself, just feel Jongdae.

And god, that somehow makes everything worse, because Baekhyun isn’t sure how he can _stop_ feeling Jongdae, the hands at his sides having increased in pressure as Jongdae’s confidence has grown, the soft feeling of his lips against Baekhyun’s, the tip of his nose brushing his cheek. Baekhyun feels like he has to curve his fingers through the front of Jongdae's shirt just to keep himself standing upright, as Jongdae uses his tongue to coax Baekhyun’s mouth and it falls open naturally, stealing his breath with slow, languid kisses unlike any other kiss Baekhyun has ever felt. It makes his toes curl a little in his sneakers and causes his hands to tighten their grip and  _this_ , Baekhyun realises, is what a good kiss feels like, and he is utmost certain that his own kissing feels nothing like this. Maybe kissing is something special after all.

Jongdae pulls back, and it feels like he takes a part of Baekhyun with him as he does it, Baekhyun requiring just a few seconds to blink his eyes open and regain his bearings again.

“Woah,” is all he says.

Jongdae snickers. “Told you I was good.”

Good is maybe an understatement, but Jongdae needs an inflation to his ego like he needs a hole in his head. Baekhyun licks his lips in an attempt to stop them from tingling, but the sensation perseveres; never in all his twenty-one years of life has kissing ever felt like _this_ , and it makes Baekhyun wonder just exactly what he’s been missing out on. He’s always seen kissing as one of two things: something he does when he’s drunk, or necessary foreplay. This, here, with Jongdae, is neither of those two things, and somehow it’s the one that feels best --Baekhyun can’t tell if it’s because he’s paying particular attention to it, or if because it’s Jongdae.

“Now you try,” Jongdae says finally, and Baekhyun’s entire brain just. Stops.

“What?” He repeats, thought process still a little hazy.

“You try,” Jongdae repeats. “Try to kiss me like that. No tongue-choking or saliva-drowning and shit, preferably.”

Baekhyun doesn’t think he’s really up for it, but leans in all the same before pulling back just at the last second before their lips touch, registering Jongdae’s slightly dazed, confused expression before spinning them around until Jongdae is pushed against the kitchen counter, cutlery clinking as Jongdae’s hand flies out to steady himself somewhat, pushing at their abandoned plates. If Jongdae wants Baekhyun to recreate a kiss like that, he needs to be in the exact same position, pinning Jongdae against the marble with a hand still fisted in the front of his shirt.

Slowly, Baekhyun leans in again, and this time Jongdae hums when their lips meet, nose exhaling slowly as his hands find their place on Baekhyun’s hip bones. Baekhyun tries his best to recreate what Jongdae had done, small, little kisses at first before opening his mouth wider and opening Jongdae’s in the process, but not taking the opportunity to shove his tongue down his throat. Jongdae’s mouth is pretty unresponsive but that’s sort of the point as Baekhyun kisses him with slow, sticky ministrations, the wet noises being caused between them seeming to echo in the emptiness of the frat house. They’re the only two that didn’t bother going home for fall break, hence why Jongdae had been making his signature fried eggs before they’d started kissing and suddenly breakfast --well, lunch, because even if they’d only just woken up it’s still noon-- was cold and forgotten.

Baekhyun pulls back only to breathe air that isn’t filled with _Jongdae_ , and Jongdae only hums in assessment before saying, “Better.”

“Better?” Baekhyun parrots mockingly, tipping his head to the side just slightly.

“Yeah, better,” Jongdae shrugs to the best of his ability in such a small space. His lips are swollen and shiny and Baekhyun imagines his own can’t be in much of a different state, it feels like time moves differently now and he’s lost track of all of it. For just how long have they been standing here, kissing? “But could better-er. Need a bit more practice.”

“Definitely not a word,” Baekhyun mumbles, but then Jongdae’s leaning in again, and he forgets everything else.

 

 

They hadn’t even broken it off until Jongdae had remembered he’d had work and suddenly they’d split at quarter to three so he could make it to his shift on time, meaning they’d been improving Baekhyun’s kissing technique for over two hours.

Now a week has passed and Baekhyun hasn’t had an opportunity to test out his new prowess, wondering if he’d retained any of Jongdae’s helpful hints in the first place. Truth be told, Baekhyun tries to remember Jongdae’s thorough instructions, but every time he does he just ends up thinking about kissing Jongdae, and how much he wants to do it again. It catches him in all the little moments, like walking back to the frat house from campus after class or spacing out during a lecture, and then before Baekhyun knows it there’s a bubbly feeling in his stomach and a small smile on his face. He’s never wanted to kiss someone so badly before, and the sensation is as exhilarating as it is foreign.

So maybe it makes sense for the pieces to fall into place like this again. Jongdae’s watching netflix on his laptop on the bed, lying on his stomach, and Baekhyun’s meant to be studying, but sometime after his sixteenth math problem he’d wormed his way into what little empty space had been on the mattress --with Jongdae immediately and wordlessly accomodating a space for him, of course-- and is watching the show too to procrastinate. He doesn’t understand what’s going on, there’s a lot of talk of characters he doesn’t know and the filter on the whole thing is way too dark to see, but Jongdae helpfully explains the situation every time Baekhyun presses a finger against the screen and asks, pushing his hand away and whining about greasy fingertips on his precious Macbook in the process.

Now that Baekhyun is relatively caught up he’s quiet and pensive, watching the scenes unfold on screen without really paying attention. It feels like every cell in his body is more attuned to Jongdae than usual, like the scales of fate are tipping him towards him, a sun that Baekhyun is lost in the gravitational orbit of, but instead of circling forever hopelessly he’s being pulled closer; Jongdae is a black hole now, Baekhyun realises, and Baekhyun is all too happy to be tugged inwards. Is this a normal side effect of good kisses?

Jongdae laughs at something on screen, but Baekhyun doesn’t even care that he’s missed it, happier to watch Jongdae’s smile curve across his face instead. From this close --shoulder to shoulder, legs intertwined behind them-- Baekhyun can see that Jongdae needs to shave _again_ , can trace out the moles beneath his eyebrows and down his hairline, tracing down his jaw and over his throat, which bobs with every peal of Jongdae’s high-pitched laughter. Something in Baekhyun’s stomach curls and it’s that bubbling feeling again, the one that causes him to inhale sharply. _I want to kiss him_ , Baekhyun thinks, so loud and clear he almost thinks that Jongdae had heard him considering he glances sideways to give Baekhyun a quizzical look, having caught him staring unabashedly.

“What?” Jongdae asks, hitting the spacebar easily to stare right back.

Baekhyun licks his lips. “I was just thinking--” he starts.

“Wow, don’t hurt yourself.” Baekhyun digs his elbow into Jongdae’s ribs. “Ow!”

“--As I was saying,” he continues, uncaring of Jongdae’s petulant whines of pain. “I was just thinking about the uh, lessons from last week.”

Jongdae snorts at the word _lessons_ and then asks, “What about them?”

Baekhyun swallows, pushing up his glasses nervously. “Well, I’m just wondering if I retained anything, y’know?”

Jongdae rolls onto his side at that, propping his head up by his elbow as he raises both of his eyebrows. There’s a tense moment where Baekhyun isn’t sure if wants Jongdae to say anything or nothing at all but it’s broken when he decides upon saying, “Did you want to check, or…?”

“Revision _is_ important,” Baekhyun mumbles quietly, and licks his lips a little greedily as Jongdae just shrugs in agreement and places his laptop on the shared nightstand between their two beds, shifting until he’s on his back and propping his head up by the pillows. It doesn’t take long for Baekhyun to crawl on top of him, knees framing Jongdae’s thighs as he feels his body rise and fall beneath his palm, splayed out on Jongdae’s chest to keep balance as the other rests just above his shoulder. Like this, Jongdae open and eager beneath him, eager eyes betraying his seemingly calm nerves, Baekhyun wonders if Jongdae has been thinking about this just as much as he has.

“Show me what you got, big boy,” Jongdae taunts, wiggling his eyebrows, and effectively all the thick tension in the air snaps as Baekhyun giggles before leaning in. The kisses are rough and stilted, awkward from the openness of their smiles as their teeth clash together and their noses bump, Baekhyun's glasses knocking into Jongdae's face, unable to help but laugh as it keeps happening over and over again.

“Enough enough,” Jongdae breathes out with a giggle, pushing Baekhyun back by his shoulders as he just laughs too loudly, looking down at Jongdae. His dark hair is spread out in thick curls around his face, and Baekhyun doesn’t even register it happening as the hand that isn’t keeping him above Jongdae rises to trace out the line of his cheekbones, the wrinkles beneath his eyes that have appeared since he’s laughing. Jongdae only stops laughing once Baekhyun’s thumb lands on his bottom lip, and then he’s inhaling instead, and Baekhyun knows that Jongdae has _definitely_ been thinking about this just as much.

“What?” Baekhyun asks, mocking Jongdae from earlier, just to be a piece of shit. His thumb is still resting on Jongdae’s lower lip, silver bangs hanging around his face. His roots have been showing for the past few weeks; Baekhyun really needs to fix that.

“Nothing,” Jongdae breathes out, and reaches up to remove Baekhyun's glasses, folding them neatly and putting them on the nightstand, right on top of his laptop. “You gonna take this seriously or what?”

Baekhyun doesn’t need to be told twice, leaning down again and adjusting his position so he can kiss Jongdae properly, that same, slow way from last week. Already Baekhyun feels greedy, which is exactly why he pulls back and barely manages, “More.”

Jongdae blinks up at him, dazed for a split-second. “What?”

“More,” Baekhyun repeats, sturdier this time. He wants more. “Teach me more than this.”

He wishes he could find the words to clarify what he means but Jongdae, as understanding as always, just says, “You think you’re ready to wield The Ultimate Blade?” He sticks out his tongue to gesture, waving it around pointedly. 

Baekhyun nearly collapses on top of him with how hard he’s laughing, having to fall beside Jongdae onto the bed instead to keep from crushing him. “Please don’t tell me you call it that in front of girls.”

Jongdae rolls his head to the side, grinning. “What can I say?” He waggles his eyebrows. “They’re impressed by my swordsmanship.”

Baekhyun laughs so hard he snorts, and Jongdae only watches him through his fits of giggles until he’s cooled down enough to start kissing him again, long before Baekhyun can even voice a _what_? Jongdae’s kiss is sudden and open-mouthed and it has Baekhyun gasping, Jongdae taking the opportunity to run his tongue over his bottom lip and lick into Baekhyun’s mouth, if only lightly.

“The key,” Jongdae mutters as he pulls back. “Is that more is worse.”

“More is worse?” Baekhyun repeats, somewhat confused, and then Jongdae is showing him exactly what it means.

If Baekhyun had thought the relatively chaste, open-mouthed kisses were intoxicating, then this is ten times worse, as Jongdae sucks on Baekhyun’s tongue and he full on moans at the sensation, kind of embarrassed about it until Jongdae rolls on top of him so that Baekhyun is enveloped in a sense of _Jongdae_ and forgets how to care about anything else entirely. He certainly uses a whole lot less tongue than Baekhyun’s usual repertoire, only light licks and touches here and there, but every single one sends Baekhyun’s body blazing with pleasure and contentedness, and he wonders if there’s a way to find out how to breathe Jongdae in, rather than oxygen.

There isn’t, and Jongdae eventually has to fall back with a gasp and a laugh from the exhaustion of holding himself above Baekhyun for so long, arms having been shaking from the effort.

“You’ve definitely learned a lot,” Jongdae notes, a little breathless.

“Yeah?” Baekhyun asks between short pants, face flushed. Jongdae nods.

“Could do with a little more improvement still,” he suggests, and that’s all the cue Baekhyun needs to roll on top of Jongdae, and lean in all over again.

 

 

In hindsight, Baekhyun isn’t sure what it is about the kissing he enjoys so much. Maybe he’s touch-starved, maybe it’s the intimacy, maybe it’s the stupid jokes he and Jongdae share between them. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s improving at something, maybe it’s the challenge, maybe it’s the way Jongdae looks at him sometimes like there’s nothing he’d rather cherish --maybe it’s the fact that Baekhyun gets to make Jongdae feel the same way.

Either way, it’s practically an addiction, and Baekhyun would find a way to quit cold turkey and go through withdrawal if Jongdae wasn’t equally as keen to return his affections. Baekhyun hadn’t thought it could ever be possible to become closer to his best friend but suddenly the kisses have unlocked some sort of hidden door between them and he finds himself spending even _more_ time with Jongdae, touching him more, laughing with him more, talking with him more --when they’re not kissing, that is.

It’s something they only do in the secret moments, the rare hours of free time they have before dinners with the rest of the house or the hours of early morning when they don’t have class but plenty of morning breath. It’s a simple, pleasant comfort to wake up gradually with the taste of Jongdae on his lips and Baekhyun can’t stop anticipating it. He loves the affection of it all, loves the silliness, the simplicity, the way Jongdae scolds him every time he uses too much teeth or their noses bump. It’s the sort of intimate, loving feeling Baekhyun used to imagine sex would be like before he actually had it, now he’s convinced it’s even better because it’s more pure, less focused; Jongdae is just trying to make Baekhyun feel good and vice versa without any release to it --they could (and have, often) kiss for hours with no end to any of it, and Baekhyun can’t think of anything more fulfilling in the world, can't think of anything that makes him feel more cared for than this.

But it’s something they’re keeping to themselves, for a myriad of unspoken reasons. Baekhyun doesn’t need to be teased and prodded by his frat brothers about his relationship with Jongdae, and Jongdae much the same. The kisses are just kisses --they’re not dating or anything, or even sleeping together-- and it’s that same purity and simplicity to it that makes it so enjoyable, both just trying to kiss to their best ability and nothing else. Baekhyun doesn’t need other people’s thoughts or words to ruin that, what he and Jongdae have is not a big deal, and they both seem content to keep it that way.

Baekhyun’s lips twitch at the thought, and Minseok’s eyes narrow as he says, “What’re you so happy about?”

“Nothing,” Baekhyun cheerfully responds, picking up a plastic bottle with the end of his grabber and putting it in the plastic bag. “Can’t a man smile while picking up trash?”

Minseok gives him a flat look that tells Baekhyun the question should answer itself, but it only makes him smile wider. A lot of people think frat houses are nothing but giant party holes --which is still true-- but in reality a lot of Baekhyun’s time at Alpha Sigma Tau, the only Asian fraternity on campus, goes into the social events and fundraisers, as well as the volunteer work. Blah blah something about community involvement blah blah; Baekhyun doesn’t mind the extra distractions from his calculus homework either way.

“Five more minutes and we’ll take a break!” Junmyeon, the president of their fraternity, calls out, and there’s various murmurs of acknowledgement from up and down the waterfront as everyone begins picking up their last few pieces of trash and heading back to the stone steps where the people from the organisation they’re helping out have set up a fold-out tables of snacks.

Baekhyun tightens the drawstrings on his nearly full bag in satisfaction, and drags it in the sand behind him as he spots Jongdae hauling his own onto the pile at the back, to be taken up to the dumpsters later.

Baekhyun leaves his bag forgotten in the sand for a few moments as he takes the opportunity to latch onto Jongdae from behind and say, “Guess who.”

“Gee, I wonder,” Jongdae replies sardonically as Baekhyun just laughs and Jongdae turns around to smile at him. “Having fun with all this trash, Baekhyunnie?” Jongdae’s smirk only makes Baekhyun want to kiss it to make it go away --it’s a more recent feeling that’s developed in frequency, as of late. “Must feel right at home.”

“Yeah, being amongst your people at last is great,” Baekhyun counters, and cackles childishly when Jongdae rolls his eyes. The satisfied grin is wiped off his face only when Jongdae leans in suddenly to kiss his cheek, and then Baekhyun’s face just falls in wide-eyed panic as he glances around quickly to wonder who might have seen them.

“What’re you--” Jongdae walks back towards the main group, giving Baekhyun a smug little wave, and he’s still looking around before he realises… nobody. Nobody is watching them, the beach is empty in the middle of winter, and everybody else is too busy crowding around the snacks table to have noticed Baekhyun and Jongdae by the rubbish bags. Jongdae strikes up a conversation with Chanyeol who’s got three chocolate-chip cookies in his mouth at once, crumbs flying everywhere while he enthusiastically flaps his arms about, explaining something, and Baekhyun narrows his eyes as he thinks that two can play at that game.

It’s all about stealing as much as they can without getting caught, and they’re both far too good at it. Baekhyun rests his chin on Jongdae’s shoulder and kisses the side of his neck while the organisation’s representatives tell them about the negative effects of littering on the ocean, feeling Jongdae shiver beneath him. When they resume picking up trash Jongdae disguises his kiss to Baekhyun’s jaw as an exhausted hug --Baekhyun retaliates by kissing the tip of Jongdae’s nose while nobody is watching during lunch and Jongdae only pays him back when Baekhyun, self-indulgently, reaches to tuck a stray fly-away that had been pushed into Jongdae’s face by the ocean wind and Jongdae’s fingers hook around his wrist so that he can pull Baekhyun’s palm against his lips and kiss that too.

It’s heart-racing and adrenaline inducing, both the kisses and the thrill of not getting caught, stealing kisses with every spare moment they have, like sneaking a hand into a chocolate-chip cookie jar. Each contact of lips against skin has Baekhyun’s entire body attuned to Jongdae’s presence like cloth hooked on a bramble bush and no matter how much he tries Baekhyun just can’t seem to snag free --not even if he wanted to.

It isn’t until Jongdae excuses them for a quick bathroom break before the long bus ride back to the dorm rooms that he tugs Baekhyun into a toilet stall and kisses him for real this time, hands sliding up the hem of his shirt to brush against the warm skin of Baekhyun’s stomach, palms cold from being wind-touched all day. Already tousled from the weather, Baekhyun has no qualms about winding his fingers through Jongdae’s hair to bring his mouth even closer, gasping against his lips as the frustration of not being able to properly kiss all day releases in a single moment of heated kisses, Jongdae’s low groan reverberating off the bathroom tiles.

“We’ve been gone for way too long,” Jongdae mumbles; trust him to be a voice of reason at a time like this. 

“Probably,” Baekhyun agrees easily, and keeps kissing him.

They stop only when they hear footsteps and stumble out of the stall as quickly as possible, Jongdae pretending to wash his hands while Baekhyun fixes his reflection in the mirror. Sehun is giving them an unimpressed look from the door as it swings open.

“Seriously you guys?" He says. "Wanna take any longer?”

“Hey man,” Baekhyun says grievously. “Jongdae has constipation, cut him some slack.”

“Ew, TMI.” Sehun shudders, before Jongdae can even indignantly protest, mouth wide and face red as Baekhyun just smiles, ignoring the daggers Jongdae shoots his way. “Just hurry it up would you? Junmyeon won’t let us leave without you, unfortunately.”

“I fucking hate you,” is all Jongdae mumbles, once Sehun is gone.

“No you don’t~” Baekhyun sing-songs, and curls his fingers through Jongdae’s belt loops to tug him in closer for a forgiving kiss. Jongdae melts easily; works like a charm.

As soon as Junmyeon has done his dutiful headcount Baekhyun and Jongdae are filing onto the bus, Baekhyun being happily tugged along by Jongdae’s hand around his wrist as he steals the second last row, taking the aisle so Baekhyun can watch out the window if his motion sickness gets to be too much. Baekhyun is always touchy with everybody but especially Jongdae considering the whole best friend thing, which is probably why nobody had noticed their little game or notices the difference even now as Jongdae wordlessly offers out an earphone and Baekhyun pops it in with no problem, tipping his head against Jongdae’s shoulder. Jongdae’s music is soft and mellow and slow like his usual kisses, and it helps lull Baekhyun into a state of half-dreaming as his eyes alter between slipping shut, watching the coast line as they drive by, and studying Jongdae’s face.

It’s weird, because Baekhyun feels like looking at Jongdae takes up most of his free time these days, and yet there are still new details and things to memorise every time he does. Jongdae’s beauty is as ever-changing as a rocky coast, the waves constantly reforming every edge and curve, but remaining equally as mesmerising all the same. Baekhyun reckons that any artist or photographer or whatever that goes searching for beauty in nature is stupid when Jongdae Kim exists, alive and breathing and even more beautiful than anything else in the world.  

The song in Baekhyun’s right ear is acoustic and soft, but still bright, as a gentle voice croons about the woes of a tender love, or something. Jongdae just catches him staring and, as per usual, asks, “What?”

Baekhyun quickly glances around to check their environment --nobody is sitting behind them, and Jongin has passed out on Yixing’s shoulder the row over, both asleep from the long, exhausting day.

“Nothing.” He manages, and nothing is preventing Baekhyun from leaning in and pressing a chaste, closed-mouth kiss against Jongdae’s unsuspecting lips, just to watch the way his face stretches into a smile and the sun outside dims in comparison to the curve of Jongdae’s eyes, the way his dopey smile tugs his dumb little straight eyebrows upwards.

“You’re weird,” Jongdae tells Baekhyun, although the fondness laced through the words betrays him as he adjusts his shoulder so that it’s more comfortable for Baekhyun to lean into his chest, an arm wrapped around his shoulder.

“You’re weirder for being my best friend,” Baekhyun mumbles, and feels rather than hears Jongdae hum noncommittally through the vibrations in his torso as Baekhyun’s cheek is squished against his heartbeat. Baekhyun gently tugs the earphone out of his ear to listen to the steady thrum of Jongdae’s pulse with every rise and fall of his chest, and this, he thinks, is better than any other song in the world, as Baekhyun’s eyes slip shut and he’s able to put aside his motion sickness aside long enough to drift asleep.

  


The kisses had stopped being about lessons somewhere around the time they’d both silently stopped viewing them as such, and it almost surprises Baekhyun, sometimes, when he remembers they’re meant to be a secret. It isn’t until they’re on kitchen duty one night and Baekhyun leans in for a cheeky kiss after Jongdae yells at him for flicking soap water all over his clothes that Jongdae’s wide eyes and backwards step remind him he _can’t_ , and something settles in Baekhyun’s stomach upside down, uncomfortable and misplaced.

The feeling has persisted even until now, and it kind of sucks, Baekhyun thinks, because he’s meant to be enjoying himself but instead he’s just, as per usual, thinking about Jongdae. Not only does the idiot have to steal Baekhyun’s kisses and the fries off his plate with a cheeky smile every goddamn day, but now he has to steal Baekhyun’s attention and focus too as he tries to listen to what Sooyoung is saying but _can’t_. Beer probably doesn’t help with the single-minded outlook and shitty attention span, but even as she laughs at something Sehun must have said Baekhyun finds his eyes drawn across the room to where Jongdae is presumably chatting up Sunyoung against the wall, beer cans in hand as they laugh together and her fingers easily lands on Jongdae’s bicep.

Sunyoung is gorgeous and kind and smart and one-thousand times out of Jongdae’s league, doesn’t Jongdae know that? Baekhyun frowns at the fuzziness in his head and the strange bubbling feeling in his stomach, completely opposite to the kind Jongdae’s kisses give him. It’s ugly and Baekhyun doesn’t like it in the slightest bit, but he hates what it means anymore.

Pulling a face, he takes a long sip from his beer bottle.

“You okay, Hyun?” Sehun asks, as Baekhyun blinks back into focus and realises Sooyoung has left to join her sister-sorority friends on the dancefloor. Shit, Baekhyun probably could have at least hooked up with her if he'd had the willpower for it, but the idea of kissing anyone who isn't Jongdae makes him nauseous. “You’ve been zoned out all night.”

“Just tired,” Baekhyun gives a small, apologetic smile. “Sorry.” Sehun’s bottle is empty, and so is Baekhyun’s; he licks his lips at the dry taste in his mouth. “I’ll go grab us some more drinks.”

The cooler is positioned a few steps away from where Sunyoung and Jongdae are flirting by the wall, and Baekhyun tells himself he has no stake or claim over who Jongdae is interested in or what he chooses to do with them and never has, but apparently logic can’t win over emotion as the lid of the tub slams shut a little too hard, catching both of their attention.

Sunyoung gives him a curious look as Baekhyun mumbles, “Sorry.” And quickly stands up with two beer bottles in one hand. He and Jongdae exchange a tense moment of eye-contact, Jongdae’s expression one that Baekhyun is either too drunk or too stupid to decipher, and then he quickly dashes away just to put some distance between them and clear his head, leaving the bottles in a pool of condensation on one of the hallway tables as he escapes upstairs to the farthest bedroom in the hall to rub at his eyes and catch his breath, gathering himself in the silence.

Fuck, usually Baekhyun is the life of the party, but Jongdae is so fucking distracting. Baekhyun won’t be surprised if he fails calc this semester considering how much of the lecture he spends thinking about his mouth, he doesn’t need to fail at his own social life because of him too. It’s tiring being the centre of attention and knowing everybody expects you to smile and make them laugh enough as is, he doesn’t need to worry about who Jongdae might be kissing instead of him tonight too.

“Fuck,” Baekhyun says to no one, and digs the heels of his palm into his eyes, sitting down on the mattress with a sigh. He must be in Minseok’s room considering the soccer jerseys on the wall and the posters of _Detective Conan_ \--Baekhyun had simply headed into the only unoccupied room he could find that wasn’t his own, but now he just feels bad because Minseok is picky about people in his spotless, tidy space. Even drunk Baekhyun is still too sensible to go into his own room since a) that’s where people will expect to find him and b) Jongdae might be needing their shared room later --he laughs at the irony of it, aloud to empty air.

There’s a knock at the door as whoever’s on the other side doesn’t wait for entry as the door swings open slowly and Jongdae carefully slips through, the music loud and pulsing for a split second before he gently clicks the door shut behind him. Baekhyun scrambles to look more put-together and less miserable than he feels, sitting up straight and smiling.

“Hey,” Baekhyun greets. “What’re you doing here? Where’s Sunyoung?”

“Came to check on you,” Jongdae answers easily, as if it’s obvious, giving Baekhyun a suspicious look. “And she’s downstairs on the couch making out with Soojung, last time I checked.” He smiles lopsidedly.

“Oh,” Baekhyun says, and wonders why he’s both happy and upset. “You should’ve stayed with her man, I’m fine.”

Jongdae snorts. “She would’ve ended up there at the end of the night no matter what I did,” he plops himself down next to Baekhyun so that they’re thigh-to-thigh and the mattress dips beneath his weight, bouncing slightly. “You sure you’re good? You seem kinda off.”

Trust Jongdae to have noticed just from a few seconds of eye contact and Baekhyun’s nervous case of runaway jitters by the cooler, always seeing through him no matter what.

“Just tired,” Baekhyun replies, and fidgets in the silence, hands twitching impulsively as he stares at Minseok’s wall. “I guess.”

“Hm,” Jongdae hums, following his line of sight. “That’s unlike you.”

Baekhyun shrugs half-heartedly. “We all have our limits.” Jongdae is far too close and Baekhyun’s blood is burning from him and the alcohol both; he’d dipped away to clear his head but now it just feels more confused than ever, Jongdae more intoxicating than the beer currently being churned through his digestive system. Baekhyun’s already tired from barely scraping by in his classes, helping out Junmyeon with planning the upcoming fundraiser, dealing with his parents’ nagging phone calls from interstate and too many shifts at the restaurant. Kissing Jongdae had seemed like an escape from all of that, but now it’s burdening Baekhyun just as much as everything else, if not more.

“Sorry,” Jongdae mumbles, and knocks their knees together, startling Baekhyun out of his thoughts.

“What?” He half-snaps, dragging his eyes off of Minseok’s bedroom wall to give Jongdae a funny look. “Why?”

“I dunno,” Jongdae shrugs, a little stilted, awkward almost, _embarrassed_. “I just hate that you don’t get to be happy all the time.”

“I’m pretty happy so long as you’re with me, though,” Baekhyun blurts without even thinking, and then heats up a little at the cheesiness of his own words. Jongdae just laughs softly at his attempt of reassurance, and even though it’s terribly corny Baekhyun knows the statement is true. Jongdae has never failed to make Baekhyun happy ever since they first met at Alpha Sigma Tau orientation day in freshman year; that hasn’t changed even if Jongdae also sort of worries Baekhyun at the same time, albeit for different reasons.

“Thanks, Baekhyun.” Jongdae says, and Baekhyun smiles at him softly, watching as Jongdae’s eyes flick to his mouth at the movement and wondering that maybe it had always been inevitable that they’d end up like this, mouths always longing to be together like two magnets that can’t remember how to stay apart.

The kisses are slow at first but then Baekhyun does what Jongdae had taught him and sucks his tongue into his mouth, causing Jongdae to moan unabashedly and for Baekhyun to wrap an arm around his neck to pull him closer, groaning in response. Maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe it’s the late-night revelation that Baekhyun is more invested into this thing with Jongdae than he should be, maybe it’s everything else, but something about these kisses feels different as Jongdae pushes Baekhyun up against the pillows and slides his hands from his hips down his thighs and back up again, pulling up his shirt in the process. It’s more heated, more charged, and Baekhyun can’t think about anything other than the fact that he wants Jongdae closer as his hands move to pull his shirt off and then petulantly tug on Jongdae’s too, whining a little with neediness.

Jongdae obliges with only a split-second of disconnect between their mouths to do so and they both moan at the feeling of skin against skin, Baekhyun greedily taking this first opportunity to run his fingers along every ridge and bump in Jongdae’s figure, curling one hand around his bicep while the other enjoys the bump of his fingers over his ribs and abdomen, brushing over the hairs of his happy trail. It's closer, yes, but still not close enough. Jongdae’s own hands seem just as eager to touch Baekhyun if not gentler, smoothing over every curve and edge as he touches Baekhyun with a softness to it that only makes Baekhyun want him even more. Jongdae has always kissed, always touched, always _looked_ at Baekhyun like he’s a priceless artwork or an idol worthy of worship, it isn’t until tonight that Baekhyun has realised he’s always thought of Jongdae the exact same way.

The temperature in the room grows warmer as their kisses grow more needy, morphing into something that aren’t even kisses at all in the process. This, Baekhyun realises, isn’t the toe-curling sweetness of harmless, endless affections, _this_ is something with a goal in mind, and the only scary thing about it is how Baekhyun isn’t scared at all, pushing his hands into Jongdae’s back pockets and squeezing while Jongdae’s hands dance above the waistband of his pants, eventually unhooking Baekhyun’s button and zipping down his fly and--

The door swings open as somebody says, “Oh holy fucking shit.” And Jongdae scrambles off of Baekhyun immediately, falling to the floor in his hastiness and cussing as he lands with a _thunk_ , wincing. Sehun stares at them both with wide, unblinking eyes, an equally as stunned Kyungsoo behind him. “No wonder you never got me that drink.” Heavy silence passes before anybody breaks it, Baekhyun scrambling to look more presentable as his arms cross over his chest self-consciously, not comfortable being topless in front of anybody other than Jongdae. Sehun clears his throat. “Aren’t you guys best friends?”

Baekhyun opens his mouth to answer before realising he doesn’t know how, and he and Jongdae exchange brief eye-contact before Jongdae says, “I-- I should go.” Snatching his t-shirt off the floor and tugging it over his head as he pushes past Sehun and Kyungsoo without one glance back.

“Well this is awkward,” Kyungsoo says, as Baekhyun blurts out a similar excuse to Jongdae and grabs the shirt off the floor, wincing as he pulls it on because it’s Jongdae’s, meaning Jongdae is wearing his. Fuck, he hopes nobody notices, that’s the last thing Baekhyun needs right now.

“Baekhyun,” Sehun says, a hand on Baekhyun’s shoulder before he can escape this living hell as Sehun just swallows, looking at him pensively for a moment. “Your um, fly is undone.”

Baekhyun blinks as he looks down, quickly zipping it up. “Thanks Sehunnie,” he gives a masking grin and steps forward. “Use protection kids!” He heartily cheers out as he sprints the second he’s out the door, squeezing his eyes shut as he slams it shut behind him, leaning against it and breathing out a simple, “Fuck.” Somehow the thing Baekhyun is most worried about is Minseok finding out he and Jongdae nearly had sex on his bed, more than the fact that he and Jongdae nearly had sex. How has his life turned upside down in only a few weeks?

Baekhyun decides there’s two things he needs right now; the first is a hoodie from his room so nobody can notice he’s wearing Jongdae’s shirt, the second is the most alcoholic drink he can find in this godforsaken privacy-free house.

 

 

Baekhyun wakes up with a pounding headache because Jongdae’s rummaging around in the darkness and the constant thumping had pulled him from his dreams. His mouth tastes like alcohol but his organs feel like death as Baekhyun groans and sits up, holding his head.

“What time issit?” He slurs, as Jongdae just lets out a little laugh.

“Seven,” he answers, and Baekhyun groans as he flops back down again because that’s way too early, what the fuck, Jongdae? He must’ve said that part out loud because Jongdae just laughs all over again. “Which is why you can go back to sleep, Baekhyunnie.”

Even hungover Baekhyun can still tell something is off in the hesitation of Jongdae’s voice, and even though he’s internally cursing Jongdae for actually being able to handle his alcohol he asks, “Then why are you awake?”

Jongdae shrugs in the darkness. “Going for a run.”

Baekhyun groans all over again because he can’t think of doing anything worse hungover at seven in the morning, but he’s also unfortunately not hungover enough to forget the events of last night, and he knows the longer he leaves it the worse it will all get, especially with Jongdae, who bottles up his problems with a smile like it’s no problem.

“Just gimme five minutes and I’m comin’ with,” Baekhyun sleepily mumbles with sudden determination between a yawn as he pulls his legs over the side of his bed and winces at the immediate rush of blood to his head.

“You hate running,” Jongdae sounds skeptical as Baekhyun fumbles to find his work out gear in the dark.

“I love all forms of exercise,” Baekhyun corrects as he tugs two layers on for good measure, zipping up his windbreaker and winding a scarf around his neck because it always gets so cold.

“Yes your favourite workouts include the wrist strain you get from playing eight hours of League and the strength exercise required to hit ‘next episode’ on netflix.”

“Exactly,” Baekhyun replies matter-of-factly, grinning as he comes to stand in front of Jongdae, ready to go. “I don’t discriminate.”

It is the sort of moment, Baekhyun thinks, that he’d usually kiss Jongdae in, but something holds him back --holds them both back, given by the way Jongdae sways forward a little before remembering himself and rocking back onto his heels-- something that he’s about to clear up, if he finds the bravery to. He'd noticed the fact that Jongdae had avoided him for the rest of the night, yesterday. That ends now.

“Let’s go then,” Baekhyun can see the cracks in Jongdae’s smile, but he doesn’t point them out.

Baekhyun lasts about three minutes before he tells Jongdae he’s going to pass out and Jongdae just laughs at him, egging him on. It is, admittedly, a lot longer than Baekhyun had thought he was going to last, and he somehow finds the willpower to push through all the wheezing as Jongdae laughs between bouts of encouragement every time he stops only to see Baekhyun doubled over behind him.

“The world is ending,” Baekhyun huffs out at one stage, after Jongdae calls him dramatic, rolling his eyes. “Just leave me here to die, doing what I loved: being beautiful.”

“Okay Mr. Sweating and Panting,” Jongdae replies, tugging Baekhyun forward by his hood since he’s still bent over. “As beautiful as you are, please hurry it up.”

Baekhyun can barely even make the fifteen minutes to the beach without being pretty sure he’s going to pass out, but Jongdae makes it up to him by letting him sit down and buying him a coffee from the seaside hut while he catches his breath, handing him the paper cup while Baekhyun is still exhaling his lungs out through his mouth.

“C’mon Puff the Unfit Dragon,” he says, Baekhyun groaning as he takes Jongdae’s hand and stands again. “You’re not helping me burn calories by sitting around.”

Baekhyun is still fairly certain he’s going to die, but the coffee gives him a will to live again as he takes his first sip and sighs in contentment, matching Jongdae’s brisk pace as they walk along the path by the beach. The sweet scent of coffee and sea-salt fills Baekhyun’s nose as he inhales deeply, and the soothing sound of the waves rolling against the sand help to slow his heartbeat back down to an actual human pace. This beach isn’t like the empty one from the countryside they’d volunteered to clean up, filled with joggers and bike riders and other people like Jongdae who actually have their life together, in a way the amount of people just makes what Baekhyun wants to do even more significant.

“Thanks for being merciful,” Baekhyun says after the silence seemingly stretches on for too long and Jongdae laughs easily, taking a sip from his own coffee. Walking is a lot easier to deal with, because Baekhyun can walk and still end up alive, probably. Hopefully.

“You’re the one that wanted to come,” Jongdae teases, elbowing Baekhyun in the side pointedly. “Baekhyun 'I Love Exercise' Byun.”

“Just because I love it doesn’t mean it won’t kill me,” Baekhyun responds effortlessly, and grins when Jongdae rolls his eyes. “Besides, I wanted to talk to you in private before you could run away from me.” He pauses. “Figuratively and… kinda literally, I guess.”

Jongdae gives him a quizzical look. “About what?” Baekhyun gives him a look right back. “Ah.”

“But it can wait until later,” Baekhyun muses aloud, because he’s kind of enjoying the serenity of this all, the early morning calm of the ocean waves while the sun rises slowly above them, skies clear and blue even if it’s fucking freezing. Also he has no fucking idea of what he wants to say yet. Huh, maybe those people that actually get outside the house and take care of themselves sometimes are onto something. “Oooh puppies!”

Momentarily distracted from his train of thought by two tiny fluffy brown poodle-y things, Baekhyun coos happily as the bound towards him on their extendable leash, jumping up and down excitedly as he laughs at them and Jongdae just crouches down too, a fond little smile on his face as he pats the dogs alongside Baekhyun.

“Sorry,” their owner apologises, flustered as she manages to catch up with the boisterous dogs. “They really love people.”

“No worries,” Baekhyun smiles easily as she tugs them onward, sadly waving goodbye at the dogs; Jongdae is looking at him strangely, so Baekhyun nudges him forward. “C’mon.”

They continue walking until the sun has long since risen and the air has warmed up a little, although no less biting, Baekhyun enjoying the outdoors and the sunshine and Jongdae’s arm pressed against his own, happily interacting with every single dog that passes them and encouraging Jongdae --who’s a little more timid towards dogs or less bothersome towards their owners, depending on who you ask-- to do the same. Jongdae, as always, gives in.

They keep walking along and talking about nothing as Baekhyun complains about calculus for the umpteenth time and Jongdae listens dutifully, Baekhyun leaping up onto the short stone wall that separates the path from the beach and opening his arms out to balance, Jongdae’s hand automatically rising to hold onto the hem of his windbreaker and steady him while talking about the debate he’d had with Yixing over some politics thing at the party last night. Baekhyun listens as attentive as Jongdae does for him even if he doesn't understand because that’s what best friends do, and once he’s done they simply walk in the silence together, Baekhyun closing his eyes as he cranes his neck towards the sun, basking in the warmth from both the one in the sky and the one beside him too.

Coffee cups empty, they deposit them in the next trash can they find, as the wind picks up a little and Jongdae shudders, clearly not wearing enough clothes.

“Idiot,” Baekhyun chastises, unwinding the scarf from his neck so he can re-loop it around Jongdae’s, carefully winding it. “Should’ve worn more clothes --you’re going to freeze to death.”

“Well, I was planning on jogging to keep warm,” he replies slyly, as Baekhyun makes unamused eye contact and becomes aware of just how close their faces are. Oh.

“Yeah well,” he sighs in exasperation as he smooths out the ends of the scarf and then tugs Jongdae’s hood up to cover his ears, brushing a few strands of hair back. Jongdae inhales sharply as Baekhyun swallows. “Probably should have thought that one through.”

“Probably,” he agrees weakly, still staring at Baekhyun’s mouth.

Checking for any bikes on the path before they cross, Baekhyun heads towards the stone wall again and sits down on it, gesturing for Jongdae to do the same. He smiles weakly at Baekhyun as their thighs brush.

“This the part where we talk?” Jongdae asks nonchalantly, although his eyes betray his worry.

“No, we’ve been talking all morning,” Baekhyun replies, knocking their knees together. “I just want you to listen.”

Jongdae raises an eyebrow, but doesn’t say anything --how uncharacteristically obedient.

In his head, Baekhyun had some grand declaration or well thought-out argument or lengthy conversation about this, but now he’s less hungover, severely more clear headed, and equally as infatuated with his best friend, so it ends up being more lacklustre than planned.

“I like kissing you,” Baekhyun says, and it’s the first time either of them have ever acknowledged it out loud --they’ve kissed, yes, but they’ve never _talked_ about the fact. “But…” he swallows. “But I don’t think I. Want you to. Uh." He clears his throat. "Kiss other people…”

Jongdae looks at Baekhyun and blinks, once, twice.

“Okay,” is all he says. Now it’s Baekhyun’s turn to blink.

“What?” He asks.

“Okay,” Jongdae reiterates, and gives a little amused smile. “I don’t think I want you to kiss other people either.”

“Wh--” Baekhyun had fully expected Jongdae to be surprised by this. “--What the fuck, when did you work that out?”

“Since we cleaned up that beach?” Jongdae offers, and yelps in pain when Baekhyun pinches him. “What? It’s not my fault you’re dumb.”

“I’m not dumb,” Baekhyun argues. “I’ve known since we first kissed, so _ha_.” Total lie --although some part of him has always known, definitely, it’s a far more recent development. Like, a last night type of recent, but Jongdae doesn’t need to know about that. “Why didn’t you say anything, though?”

“I dunno it felt like we ~weren’t talking about it~” Jongdae says, and Baekhyun pinches him again for the sarcasm. “Hey!”

“You’re dumb,” Baekhyun says.

“ _We’re_ dumb,” Jongdae corrects, and Baekhyun opens his mouth to argue but… he can’t. Jongdae is right. They’re both so goddamn dumb.

“This is why I’m failing calculus,” Baekhyun gasps in realisation, and Jongdae just laughs. This time, there’s no hesitation as Baekhyun grips the sides of his hood to pull him in for a languid kiss, unable to help smiling against his mouth and chapped lips, cool to the touch. Everything about Jongdae just makes Baekhyun’s heart feels like there’s no space in it left, and he can’t stand how much it makes him just want to _smile_.

“By the way,” Baekhyun says as he pulls back, biting his bottom lip. “If I’m a little bit in love with you that’s like, totally chill, right? We’re still best bros?”

Jongdae’s smile is lopsided and Baekhyun does not think _a little_ is an adequate enough summary for this feeling but he doesn’t want to freak Jongdae out five minutes in to their relationship.

“If it helps I’m a little bit in love with you too,” he says, and then pauses. “I think? I don’t really know, feelings are so weird.”

“You’re telling me,” Baekhyun huffs in agreement, and unable to stand the way Jongdae is looking at him like he’s taking up all the room in Jongdae’s chest, Baekhyun presses his cold, wind-bitten fingers against Jongdae’s cheek just to hear him squeal embarrassingly, shoving at Baekhyun so suddenly he actually falls off the wall backwards into the sand, gripping onto Jongdae desperately in an attempt to stay balanced but only bringing him down too in the end.

Baekhyun laughs with sand in his mouth and Jongdae joins in, unable to help themselves as their shoulders shake, side-by-side. Unabashedly in public, without even glancing around once, Baekhyun leans across the sand to taste that smile, feeling the way Jongdae eagerly presses back and intertwines their fingers in the process.

Honestly, with Jongdae’s mouth against his like this, Baekhyun’s already forgotten how they ended up here; he just knows he never wants to leave, and never wants to stop kissing his stupidly beautiful best friend (that he may or may not be a lot in love with).

**Author's Note:**

> this is nothing but mindless jongdae worship and baekchen smooching and i have zero apologies about it  
> [title](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=muU_ERWCgJA)


End file.
